Written Apologies
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: There was a lot Cecil's mother kept from her son, she knew she wouldn't be alive when the time would eventually come to tell him everything. So instead she left behind a box of letters explaining everything her son would need to know.
1. Prologue

Cecil's mother had secrets she hoped to keep from her son for a very long time, eternity if it was possible. She knew that she could not live forever though, he would grow up and if the Gods were angry enough then some day, somehow he would find out about these secrets she'd spent her life trying to keep him from. That is why she wrote these secrets on paper, she explained them to the best of their abilities, apologized repeatedly, and went on about how Cecil was a good person. He was a gentle, curious child; he would grow to be a very kind and intelligent man. Once he found out the things she wished he would never know he would question himself, question his humanity, and his gentle nature. She wanted him to know his true nature changed nothing; none of this changed anything. These pages she put inside of a wooden box she bought from Josie, the woman knew everything; she had been the one who told her to write these secrets down in the first place. She promised her that she would look after Cecil for as long as she lived. She was grateful to Josie for this, she wanted to make sure somebody took care of her son even when she couldn't do it herself.

Her son knew about the box, the day she finished writing down her secrets and putting them away in the confines of this box she handed it to him. Automatically he went to open it, but she sternly told him to not open it, not yet. He had asked when, she had told him it would answer his questions when he knew what questions he needed to ask. The boy was inquisitive by nature, but he rarely questioned his mother or her eccentric sayings or beliefs. It had taken until he was about nine years old to finally ask her why they had no mirrors in their home, it had taken him until he was thirteen to ask why he had no father. She lied to him often, she hated to lie to him, but she had to. She apologized for it in the letters, he would understand some day.

The day she died she knew that she was going to die. The white lily on the porch told her all that she needed to know. Thankfully her son was at school, he didn't need to be home to witness her death no matter how simple or gruesome it would be. That day she didn't leave her home, she sat in the living room, waiting patiently. She hardly felt nervous when she heard knocking on the door, she almost felt a wave of calm come over her when she opened the door to see the man in the tan jacket standing there.


	2. Sandstorm Aftermath

The sandstorm had been one of the scariest events in Cecil's life. The moment that he got back home he went right to the shower; he spent half an hour scrubbing the blood and general amounts of gore from his skin and hair. He just wanted the feeling and stench of rot and death away from him, he wanted it out of his brain, but they had made lobotomies illegal quite some years ago. He had to throw his clothes and shoes away, blood was practically died into the leather of the shoes and the fabric of his dress pants. He was fine with this, but he wasn't fine with anything else. He tried to settle himself down by watching television, but he only got one working channel that was filled with nothing but the scream of tortured souls. He turned it back off and picked up his phone, he quickly dialed in Carlos' number. He hadn't talked to the other man much lately, he tried to call and text him, but there were a lot of times Carlos cut him off or just didn't answer him. He assumed it was just because he was busy. This time thankfully the scientist did answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"C-can you come over to my apartment?"

"Cecil, I heard your show today, what happened?"

"I don't really know, can you just come over...I really need to talk to someone."

Particularly he just wanted to talk to Carlos.

"I'm still sorting out some things here at the lab, with the doubles and all of that."

There was the sound of something crashing in the background, it sounded like glass.

"Oh"

"You know what, I'll be over in a few minutes; things should be fine here without me."

"Great, I'll see you soon."

He ended the call. He felt slightly more at ease now that he knew Carlos would be over. He really did want to ask him questions; maybe Carlos could explain some of what happened to him. He couldn't stop thinking about the man, his double...He didn't even like considering that monster to be a man, it was more like some demonic being. Dana's double had looked and sounded exactly like her, it had been violent, but that was it. So why was it that his double looked so...It didn't look right, it didn't look human. He knew what he himself looked like, he had never looked in a mirror, but he still knew what he looked like. He certainly didn't look a damned thing like that creature, so why had it looked so deranged and inhuman?

Knocking at the door distracted him from his confused thought. He quickly got up, unlocked, and opened it. Carlos stood there looking quite exhausted and like he hadn't slept for days.

"You look really tired, have you slept lately?"

The younger man gave a small smile, he walked past the radio host and into the apartment; he sat down on the dark purple couch.

"Not exactly, a little bit, but that was a couple of days ago. Can I ask why you went in the portal in the first place?"

Cecil sat next to him, making sure to keep a distance between them.

"I'm a reporter, I wanted to see where it'd go; obviously I got the answer."

"You realize you could have been seriously injured, right?"

He smiled at the hint of concern in the scientist's voice; he liked hearing it, sometimes he worried the younger man didn't really even notice him let alone care about him.

"I'm quite capable you know, I've always been very strong...I still think maybe I should have killed him."

"He was on your show while you were away."

Cecil looked up at that, he felt a tightness in his chest. That thing had been in his radio station, it had worked on his show while he had been in whatever Hell it came from.

"He said that he's from Desert Bluffs, his name is Kevin."

He felt more confused by this.

"B-but if he's my double then why does he have a different name? Why were his eyes and his mouth...he looked like me though, I don't understand this."

He ran his fingers back through his hair, he felt worse than he had before. Why was there some monstrous man in Desert Bluffs that looked like him?

"There are people who look like other people, you know without being evil look a likes brought on by a sandstorm."

"He didn't look like me though!"

His voice came out higher and more irritated than he had meant for it to be, "I'm sorry" he whispered feeling stupid for getting angry like that.

He just felt confused and scared by this whole thing.

"No don't be, it's alright. What happened was really scary. I was...Worried about you, I thought maybe that he hurt you or that you wouldn't come back. I mean you're the only person I really know from here and well people seem to rely on you and it'd be bad if another person here died."

Cecil smiled at the way the scientist nervously rambled on, it was cute. He was cute actually.

"I worried about you too, sweet Carlos."

"Really?"

"Of course, life would be so boring and dreadful if something happened to you. You're so...Perfect and fascinating."

He noticed the light blush on the other man's cheeks. He wished he was sitting closer to him, maybe touch him, rung his fingers through his perfect hair.

"I um I think I should go, they might need me. I'll um talk to you tomorrow or sometime, okay?"

He felt disappointed by that, but said nothing; he merely smiled and held the door open for him. Told him good bye and thanked him for coming over in the first place to talk to him and make him feel better. He wasn't entirely fond of being alone, not today; he really did miss having a boyfriend. Maybe eventually Carlos would return his feelings or at least give it a try. Until then he had at least this much. For now he just wanted to lie in bed and try to force himself to go to sleep, to forget about today. Besides it would most likely be the last time he would ever see or hear from that thing again.


End file.
